Don’t Call it a Comeback… Yet

Write this down: Love is infinite and invincible, our lovers (mothers, fathers, children, siblings, pets and friends) are not.

Image: handmade journal (by me) and tree bark pen

Handmade ephemera and quotes accordion-style envelope journal: by me and tree bark pencil

These days—well, on rare occasion when I sit down to a bloodletting via the Mighty Mac, a little—not so little—voice beckons from the bowels of my ego and says, “Well, where the fuck have you been?!” And I’m like, “Gworrrrrl (this is our special love language) you don’t even know!”

Greatest love story never told (abridged version) is as follows: loving myself (more than ever), my children, my cats, and this beautifully complex human (whom I’m honored to call my adventure partner, and [what I call him], and not a cussword today) takes up every single moment of my conscious existence. And, judging from the damage I’ve done to my teeth lately (grinding) some of my semiconsciousness.

Relationships are hard and egos are BIG and fragile and crazy and I am broken in many of the right places. “You see my light shinin’ through? Get with this!” But also some of the wrong places; and those edges are sharp. My days are a combination of being fully present and open, transparent and authentic, brilliant and available and free, yet also moving cautiously: slow—ly through this place and space in time and trying not to cut a bitch with my sharp edges. This is no easy feat, but what I have found (and repeatedly lose sight of) is the tremendous therapeutic gift of being able to release this ire and angst in my writing and make connections through the resonation of that gift.

Virtual tea time and back rubs have rescued me (and many of you) many times over through the course of the eight or so years in which I’ve been bloodletting on these here interwebs. And the friendships…man, listen! I love my NEW! (some old, some recycled, some vintage) tribe with my whole ass, and I just wanted to let y’all know that I’m fighting my way through the taupes, fog, and haze, (And tangled blankets; I forgot what a clusterfuck bed-sharing is.) and slowly– one word after the other– making my way back to do tea…and of course, honey bread with you all.

 

-BIG love

Just Write Sunday (on Monday)

I woke up yesterday resolute on productivity. I will write, I will create, I thought. Eh, I cleaned and organized and napped–which I needed because the flu has not been kind to me, but I did not write and I did not create. Boo. So here I am a day late with my requisite “Just Write” warm up post for the week.

This week in my head, I am juggling major decisions. One of my fur-kids has…I believe, suffered some kind of psychotic break. I know how this all reads, but trust me, as it involves violent behavior, what I perceive to be paranoid delusions, and feces. I am not in a good place about it at all, but I’m weighing the options and trying to come up with the most humane solution. Good thoughts are needed.

There appears to be a theme of transitioning happening for me. I have some TBA business and personal development plans underway which involve [low squeal] jewelry, and a concerted effort to push “The First 52” project along [insane giddy squeal]. The Universe has been coming through in big ways and making these transitions smoother, in turn decreasing my reservations. I believe in both projects wholly, but an inherent belief in my awesome is just part of the puzzle. Y’know, I still gotta feed the cats!

This week at the Hive, I am excited! The man will be home for a week in just 15 days and I’m looking forward to the together time. It’s been just a little over a month since we last saw each other when I visited NYC. You’d be amazed by how much growth and change occurs in seemingly short periods of time during a family’s infancy. So, it’ll be fantastic to have him home for some centering and reflection before the next phase. I’ll also be using the time to get us both on the same page about, “The First 52” project and privacy. “…writers are always selling someone out.” Said, the incredible Joan Didion. While this may be true, I’d like to do so with his stamp–however tenuous– of approval. That being said, you should soon start to see posts that contain content from the project. Be on the lookout, as I will be seeking your input.

Overall, I’m starting the week off in a good place. I’m focused, I’m organized, I’m happy. [Pauses for a silent moment of gratitude.] Now, it’s time to get movin’. What are you working on, or working towards working on, this week?

 

Peace and a plan