Time, Time, Time…

Eleven something o’clock PM and I’ve just pressed twenty plus ounces of organic Yuban. In the not nearly far enough distance, Jordan bellows what sounds like a fusion of hip-hop and ska as Yael tries to eject Cosmo (resident “bad cat”) from her room. A daily exercise in futility.

My body is somewhat tired but my mind travels at the speed of knots. Mayhaps chamomile and not caffeine would have been the wiser choice. It’s been another emotionally exhausting day. I woke up anxious, crashed midday, and have been struggling to clock some tangible productivity since.

The LP took the day off so that we could spend some much needed time “together” on Skype and the telephone. We filled the waves with the comfortable nothingness we each so desperately needed.  Long distance partnerships can get tough. It’s been about 5 months now since we last saw one another and, I’ve just gotten word that our next visit will be only half as long as we’d initially planned. Y’know the thing about planning, yes? [Sighs and grimaces]. Me too, but it’s yet to stop me from doing so anyway. Truth be told, cramming all of the Living Social and Groupon junkets and deals into half the time is starting to look like an epic adventure! Particularly for someone who, in months, has gone no further –in proximity or socially– than the doctor, the grocer and the art supplies store. I just may have found the inspiration I need to begin taking and posting photos again.

There are just a few more BIG wedding things to take care of–big enough that the thought just forced my hand up to my throat where my speeding pulse is now palpable. It all seems to have happened rather quickly, although the final meeting with the planner showed we’d been at this since last July. I guess when you consider that we’ve [Clears throat and winks] gone through two gowns, five pairs of shoes, two sets of jewelry, four wedding bands, one wedding party member, and a few breakdowns (of both the mental and communicative varieties), it all makes sense. Long distance partners planning a destination wedding can get tough–OK, downright brutal!

In addition to all of that–yes, there’s more. I’ve been doing some heavy-duty life planning…mapping? Yes! Let’s go with mapping, ’cause that “p”-word can be a real “b”-word. Since the “d”-word –OK, OK… Since my divorce, I have been in a perpetual state of knee-dusting. Of course, I’ve made progress. I’ve grieved, and been angry, and forgiven myself, and repeated that a few times, but I haven’t made my full leap into Me 2.0. I’ve crafted a bunch of ideas in my head–big, well-thought out ones, too. But I’ve stopped there. The LP’s unwavering faith in me has been a constant source of encouragement and some recent guilt, as I’ve come to concede the need do more and cogitate less. Time, time, time…

Peace and patience

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