The Curse of Freedom

Recently, a friend, a fellow divorcee and I were talking, I posed the question, “Is it harder to build a family or disassemble one?”. We each agreed the disassembling is the greatest undertaking. I admit at times a collapse would have simply been easier. In matters such as this, I’d rather have no choice than to wonder if I made the right one.

One on hand, my desire to be free, emotionally, physically and spiritually supersedes all, but there is another side of the equation. I find myself sympathizing with my captor- real, imagined and emotional, like a victim of Stockholm Syndrome. I’ve developed a certain attachment to the less than stellar way things were, embracing the responsibility and conquering the fear that comes with the freedom I so desire is not easy. Most days, it’s simply quite impossible.

Joe bought the Tao Te Ching for me just before I left for my trip to NYC and one of the affirmations reads: When my cup is full, I stop pouring. My cup is brimming with liquid so torrid, my face is flush. One false move and I fear it’ll spill over and burn me.


  1. I guess, the comfort lies in truly believing that, if you do get burned, and even if that burn leaves a scar behind, healing will occur. Hang in there.

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