In praise of abandonment

“I must be honest.” “I must be true to myself.” These words are almost always a preamble to a speech of abandonment or betrayal.-Hugh Prather
Page 40, “Spiritual Notes to Myself”: When I read these words and read them again, I played through the many occasions in recent months when I’d spoken them. I felt wrapped up in the epitome of ambivalence. “Have I now abandoned my commitment?” “Have I been abandoned?” I have both uttered and received these words quite frequently of late. “Am I doing something wrong?” Am I absolved of all guilt because he said it first?” “Are we equally to blame?” As is the general consensus of culpability in all matters of the marital dissolution variety. “What have I done?” “What have we done?” “Have I cursed the outcome of my new partnership by abruptly ending the old?” Questions, questions and, more questions without answers-or so I thought.
I sat on it for a while- still, silent, listening only for the heart’s truth and I realized that I am guilty of abandonment, and proud of it. I abandoned a cycle of self-betrayal, I abandoned a cycle of abuse, a symbiosis in which neither party was truly living. I have indeed let go. Yet, nothing feels incomplete. On the contrary I feel weightless and alive, I feel a peace fluttering about in my center. I feel a truth in my words and deeds, a truth to my Self and even a truth to my marriage. I’ve owned that we had reached an end. Endings are never easy, but they are cyclical and omnipresent if you desire to go on living. If you desire a life of growth and vitality, you must excise that which is no longer thriving. I’ve abandoned an anchored ship for a life among the open seas of growth, wonder and boundless possibilities.
Next Post

Comments

  1. The last two sentences (especially) beautifully written.

  2. This is beautiful!

Speak Your Mind

*