Four

These past weeks of introspection have been good for me. I have bathed in frigid pain and warmed myself in love: soft, warm, nurturing, self-love.

I realize that I am not whole, but I am enough. I realize that what I’ve given of myself was neither naive nor in vain, but in a higher awareness that I was put here to give love freely…and in that knowledge, I have no regrets.

I challenge the old adage that love is blind, as an artist I can truly say I viewed my marriage the same way I view all the world, as a thing of beauty worthy of eternal curation, and creation. As an artist I also know “A work of art is never finished, only abandoned.” -da Vinci

There is beginning and and end in all things, even those which are incomplete have an ending point.

In facing my fears, I have located the cycle in which I have been haplessly spinning in for my entire life. No longer a child, I look to my own children who mirror the fears of my inner-child and, solemnly albeit valiantly I make a decision to end it here.

How?

By beginning at the beginning, a 12-Step program for families of addicted persons. Much like addicted persons, the families who love them lack the self-control, willpower [insert your reason here] to stop enabling them to destroy themselves and ultimately you. I will not be destroyed, I can not be destroyed, it isn’t part of my plan, it isn’t part of my peace.

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Comments

  1. so beautiful: “i realize that i am not whole, but i am enough.” yes, you are enough.

    i can see the growth and the strength coming to you…it is amazing to me how our children, these little spirits we bring into the world, mirror and reflect us. i see the same in mine, and with all my heart i live to not let them live a life with my same fears.

    i'm so proud of you…it takes such courage and strength to confront and face our fears, especially the ones we have carried with us our entire lives. i commend you for standing in your truth…and knowing what is and isn't a part of your peace.

    and once again i say…i'm so grateful our paths crossed and you are in my life. we are always attracted to those who reflect our true selves.

    i believe you to be strong and amazing…

  2. Not having the art of words your others readers (and you) have – I'll just mirror Kiandra's comments.

    All of the above, with a strong repeat of the last sentence.

    (I like your new background, too)

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