It’s been four days since he left to “find himself, and gain strength”, and I, in some strangely surprising ways have managed to find strength in what I believed to be a formidable situation. These days and nights have been long and lonelier than the longest of loneliest days and nights.

I watched him descend the stairs, eyes welled with tears, mind replete with confusion, empty clothes hangers swaying to and fro in the periphery. He ambled on, dashed dreams, hopes and future plans following him like cans in a wedding processional, the cacophony played out by my arrhythmic heartbeat. This is not my life. This is not my life.

We’ve been here before, but this time is different…I hesitate to release what makes this time different for fear that I have power to make it true, but my heart knows we are at a crossroad and when the time is right, I will face and release my fears.

For now, I’m spending a lot of time in my own mind soothed and sometimes shaken by the words of my inner voice, healing and haunted by my inner child. She is afraid of abandonment, imperfection and failure…and while I know there is no abandonment, imperfection or failure in love, the same cannot be said for the ways and the people with whom we share that love…

I ask myself, “Do I love freely and openly without expectations and fears?” And, I nod softly in the recognizance that change must begin from within.

“When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.”-William Arthur Ward
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  1. “there is no abandonment, imperfection or failure in love”. I'd like to hold on to this for a while.


  2. Crap….or good. Barbara pretty much used the quote and sentiment I was going to put forth.

    Carry on…

    Sending cyber hugs from Oregon

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